LOL

People here say the most amusing things. It’s not just the Greeks, it’s the random people that I encounter too.

Instance 1:  Walking through the Plaka in quest for souvenirs for my family. I walked into a t-shirt shop just to look around and the shop owner (who is very eccentric and will shout anything at you to get you to go into the store) walks up to me and asks what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for shirts. He asked if it was for myself. I told him it was for family. He told me that he could tell now since my face was very distressed. (Uhhh, Thanks?) Then he asked who it was for, friends, family, my lucky boyfriend? Of course the assumption that I would have a lucky boyfriend made me laugh out loud, just like it has the dozen other times that has been suggested while I’ve been here and just like the other times I enter some sort of rapid fire question session about why I laughed. I politely told the owner that I was sorry for laughing but there was no “lucky boyfriend”. WOAH. The owner was NOT ready for that answer and he then started asking where I was from. I told him I was from Chicago. Then the store owner started shouting “Chicago boys are crazy” and “Chicago boys are blind” and immediately told me to take off my sunglasses so he could look at me. I was pretty amused by the conversation thus far so I went along with it. He immediately said “I know it, you’re a Libra-a Gemini-a Sagittarius”. For him “knowing” what I was he was pretty far off so I told him I was a Cancer but apparently he begged to differ because he replied “A Cancer, well I was close!” Then the store owner explained that “Chicago boys are blind and crazy because Cancers are good girls, good for families”. I was a little shocked that my venture into buying shirts went in that direction so I just kind of stood there dumbfounded until he went to get his assistant.

Instance 2: The assistant of the store owner from instance 1 came to help me pick out shirts for my laundry list of people. Now it was a warm day, warmest it had been in Athens in over two weeks. I was wearing a thinner long sleeve shirt with shorts and sandals, and I was actually sweating a bit so I think it’s safe to say I was a little over dressed. The owner’s assistant take one look at me and says “Look at you, aren’t you cold?” I told her I wasn’t. She then said “Really? Where are you from, Canada?” Canada was a bit of a stretch because anyone would have been dressed the exact same way, even if they were from Florida. Anyway, I told her I was from Chicago and she said “Chicago, I was close enough”. Where are these people getting their geography? That’s like saying that Italy and Greece are the exact same place.

Instance 3: I was watching a baseball game at the Sports Bar beneath Backpackers, completely alone except for one other guy. We both were completely silent for about 20 minutes and our chairs weren’t even facing one another. Suddenly the guy turns to me, sticks out his hand for me to shake and says to me “I’m Danny. Don’t worry I’m a stage 5 clinger” and then turns back to his beer and we sit in silence for another 10 minutes. Wedding Crashers? Really? That is my kind of stranger. Original movie, original quote, completely out of context. I don’t think I’ll ever meet another with an introduction that can top that one.

Instance 4: Hotel in Heraklion in the quest for internet. Sadly this hotel did not have free internet so we had to go to the reception desk and pay for a password card. I walked up to the front desk and asked for a card. The lady said they were out, I raised my eyebrow in confusion. It’s a piece of paper with a password, get a post-it and write it down and your problem is solved. After I raised my eyebrow at her she said “Okay Okay I give you card” and got one out from a desk. Then I asked her how much it cost and she told me “It’s Free, 5 euro please.” Was it free or was it 5 euro? Pick one! I was so confused and faced the fact that I could live without internet for two days so I just turned around and walked away.

Instance 5: I love the randoms I meet. I was watching a baseball game at Backpackers last night with the random guy that was living in the room with Zak, Kegs, James, Eddie and myself. His name was Justin, he was studying abroad in Barcelona but he was from Wisconsin. Justin’s friends that he met at Karaoke on Thursday came into the bar and say down with us. These kids were studying in Germany. We talked for a couple hours until they told me that the German studying friends had to catch a plane at 4 in the morning (so in 6 hours). They asked me which they should take to the airport: metra or bus. I immediately told them bus because no one wants to be on the metra with that one creepy person at midnight. The German studying friends said that was a good point but they didn’t want to walk all the way to Syntagma to catch the bus. I started explaining to them the shortcuts there that would cut off about 10 minutes when they asked if I knew Athens pretty well and if I would just walk them to Syntagma at midnight. I had walked to Syntagma half a dozen times, the route wasn’t confusing, and I have walked alone in Athens at night many times so I said okay. These kids weren’t drunk, they were American, and they all were well-versed with popular references but for some reason their way of thanking me was exclaiming for about 30 minutes that I was their “Guardian Angle”. Yes, that is what they said---I was their Guardian ANGLE. I’m not sure what that meant. I don’t think anyone knew what they meant because Backpackers George who works in reception of the hostel and Bartender Bob were just as thoroughly confused as I was. So, if the term “Guardian Angle” is very popular and I’m just lost—please let me know.

Instance 6: I was standing outside of a bar in Mykonos with Caroline on Easter evening. Apparently the Greeks, who supposedly cherish Easter very close to their hearts, feel the need to have the biggest, wildest party throughout the country on the night of Easter. Anyway, Caroline and myself were waiting for Molly, Nicolette, and Kristine to come outside so we could go to a club called “Space Dance Experience”. The bar that we were waiting outside of was in a pretty isolated area and it was a little creepy. We got tired of standing so we sat down on the curb outside the bar while we waited for the other three. Every now and then random Greeks and tourists would pass us but they wouldn’t say anything until this one guy walked up to us. The creep was probably about 50 and just looked gross but he was intent on talking to us. He started by stopping and staring straight Caroline and I and saying “Hey Baby” for a minute. Then he decided to ask us questions to which we both said “Ohi” (Greek for “No”) in unison each time. Creep-o finally walked away and I started talking with Caroline again until the guy out of nowhere says to us “Sex with me is very good. You missing out.” Seriously? Seriously? We both got up immediately and ran into the bar and hid behind Kristine until we all left.

Instance 7: Delphi. Delphi is such a small town that there is really nothing to do. I went out to get a gyro one afternoon when we had just finished hiking the massive mountain in Delphi. I typically do things alone, especially eating so I’m pretty good when it comes to blocking out awkward moments or even people who look a little iffy. I was sitting in this café, eating my gyro when a waiter came up to talk to me. Originally I thought he came to ask if I wanted anything else, WRONG. The same waiter had seen me eating at the same café a day earlier with James. Clearly, if you see a boy and girl together in the country they MUST BE dating—the fact that James and I did fight like an old married couple might have helped that assumption though. Anyway, the waiter came up to me and said “Where is boyfriend today?” I didn’t really get the reference at first so I automatically turned around for any other person he could be talking to. Once the waiter caught that I was completely confused he said “You come with boyfriend to eat yesterday, no?” After about a minute of jogging my memory and realized he was assuming that I was dating James I immediately started shouting “No No No”. Looking back on the situation, I should have lied and went along with it because no one was there to stop me. After assuring the waiter that James was not my boyfriend, he then asked “Oh, so your boyfriend elsewhere. Home?” and then I had to proclaim my single status for the two hundredth time since I’ve been here. That was my second bad move because apparently a girl being single means that she wants to be NOT single and you have to change that that exact moment or the universe will most definitely implode. After telling the waiter I was single he then said I was lying because “No girl like you should be single” and then somewhere along the way the conversation escalated to him insisting that I “come back to Delphi and stay with him forever because you can be very happy with him” and then I was also promised that he would “give you the world”. I have a few issues with these statements: A—You’re a waiter, you can’t afford to give any girl the world. B—You’ve talked to me for 15 minutes and you want me to come back here for you? C—You’ve talked to me for 15 minutes. D—That sounds a little desperate. I will admit that the sound of never having to work, living in Greece forever, and having a not so unattractive guy to look at for “forever” sounded pretty nice….at first. Then I finally came back to reality and realized that I would get bored and leave 2-3.5 weeks later.

Instance 8: References to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Let’s revisit the German studying students from instance 5. Aside from their failed attempt to praise me for my guidance to the Syntagma bus stop, they also said two other ridiculous things—both of which were related to the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Let’s discuss what the lone female said to me. Somewhere along the night the girl stopped me and said “Can I ask you something about the men here?” to which I immediately blurted the word “Douchebags”. After she stopped laughing she said to me “I came here expecting to see all of these beautiful men of Greece but I haven’t found one. So here my question, where is Kostas?” Here’s the thing—I am thoroughly convinced that Kostas’ of Greece were either imported or hidden away from tourists. All the men here have unibrows, their faces are so oily they shine, they’re just mean, they wear clothes that no straight man in America wear—they’re just gross. So here’s a warning to anyone coming to Greece for a Kostas: Don’t come. He’s not here. Greece lied. GWA. All you will find is a NO-stas, and they aren’t pretty. Now on to what one of the guys said, the guy who plays rugby at Illinois Wesleyan back home. Clearly this guy either A—was forced to see  the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants because of an evil sadist girlfriend or B—he secretly has a very feminine side. Anyway, I was talking with him about the places he’s been, Santorini in particular since I am currently on the fence about whether to go in May or just return to Athens. I don’t know how but the guy somehow sold me on how awesome Santorini was. He told me there are two parts to Santorini, one that is residential and one that is tourist. When he tried to describe the tourist part of Santorini he told me “It was like walking into the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I swear they have 5 miles that they shot that movie in.” If you’re a guy, especially a sober one, don’t ever reference the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants to that extent. Atleast put up a front like you barely remember anything and it was an absolutely awful experience.  Regardless of his social faux pas, the reference was awesome—nearly as memorable as the Wedding Crashers line from instance 3.

Oh the funny things I hear. I love this place and all of its socially awkward and amusing moments. J